Well, it made my hands glow.

A strange review of Avon's Mark Worldly Glow. A product I haven't used...

One of my customers purchased a tiny plastic pot of Avon's new Mark Worldly Glow All Over Face Color. I stuffed it in a white paper delivery bag with the latest brochure, three samples of Anew Clinical Therafirm, and my customary handwritten thank you note where I remind one and all that Avon guarantees their products One. Hundred. Percent.

Lucia met me at her door yesterday morning, salt-and-pepper hair tucked under a red biker's bandana. She handed me exact change in quarters, dimes and pennies, her hands New Mexican brown leather like her face, like her bare legs poking from beneath a pair of powder blue stretch capris that enhanced every tic-tac of cellulite.

Why's she want a face bronzer? I didn't ask the obvious, waved goodbye as she reached into her bag. Good thing I stuffed those Therafirm samples in her bag. I pictured her a week from today, lounging on her bowed front porch in those K-Mart capris, her face a firm bronze Latina canvas.

Ah, but this doesn't end a week later with another Avon American Beauty. It ends tonight, that damn pot 'o bronze on my desk. Lucia couldn't open it. I trotted three blocks west, met her at the door twenty-four hours later. Her wrinkled hands looked slightly red, as if they spent the day, the night in twisted bronzing suspense. She wore a pair of lilac stretch capris, and I wondered if she bought them three for a twenty during a blue-light special.

I smiled, grabbed the pot, and prepared to demonstrate the simple flick of the wrist that would pop the top.

grrrrrrrrrrrr

I grunted. Groaned. Pushed. Pulled. Twisted. Poked.

uuuuugggggghhhhh

My throat rumbled some kind of knuckle pain morse code.

The top didn't budge.

So here I sit, ten hours later, my hands as red and swollen as a ten minute lobster.

The Mark Worldly Glow mocks me.

Comments

[Carroll]

What, so they shorted you the necessary magic wand to go with it? Or maybe it's missing the secret code card with the magic words for "Open Sesame!" translated into Avon-speak?? Feh!

[Carroll]

Hey, this sounds like a job for the faithful Frankie!

[Shrexy]

does this woman not own a hammer?? sheesh!!
Go sell her another pot...we'll call this attempt...Mark 11 !!! :-)
and whilst Im here...i want more UFO story...still waiting the 'skirt' pix..and could have sworn I ordered a burrito...and margarita.......service is damn slow in this place !!

[Rick]

Mark: 1) A person identified as an easy target, or "sucker". A mark is always the short end of a joke or scam, and is never let in on whats going on.
--From the online Urban Dictionary.
Diz~,:^)

[barbie2be]

maybe by worldly glow they are talking about the facial redness from trying to get the jar open?

[Pandora]

That happened to me with a bunch of tins of hand balm I bought for Xmas gifts. Not one of the 3 people I gave them to was able to open it. I think they welded it shut. The hell? you'd think that would be something they would quality control.

[Carroll]

Shrexy, "right on!" as they (used to) say. How 'bout we all start marching in circles and stomping our hooves? Think that will help?

I'm so glad you're back! It's tough to keep track of the backlog around here, but you must've got some sort of spread sheet in place. Takes team work to keep this girl of ours on her toes, I tell ya.

C'mon, Birdie -- give us the skirt shot at least!

[Rick]

Hey! Everybody's pressurin' the Bird! Not for nothing did she air Don Juan Miguel on WBDR the other day. It's all writ and reported, we just haven't seen it yet! "The universe is one point of existence where time and space collide." True dat! One bite at a time, people, it’s one big donut! It's all about space and how you spend it.

I'm with sister Carroll on the skirt shot, Bird.

Diz

[Louise]

Maybe the Mark Worldly Glow has a mind of its own and knows this woman doesn't need any more bronzing?

[Birdie]

I'll take a skirt shot tomorrow. I am planning on wearing it as the forecast calls for another hot 'n sunny New Mexican day!

Plus tomorrow is the grand finale (ha ha ha ha ha) of the Roswell story. Either that or a review of the new Therafirm lotion. What do you think?

[pink pussys]

I have just found an interesting forum on this theme
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