Birdie Jaworski

Birdie Jaworksi lives in Las Vegas, New Mexico. Her stories have appeared in many online and print journals, including Good Housekeeping, The San Diego Reader, Adoption Today, Mipoesias, and the American Press Institute's Media Center blog.

Birdie is a Contributing Editor at BlogHer.

She keeps a daily diary of her Avon Lady adventures at her website, Beauty Dish, which has been featured in the New York Times, Time Magazine, Positive Thinking Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal as well as many other news outlets.

Birdie's permanent home on the web is at : www.lapajaro.com.

A note from Birdie:

I wrote the following story about the way I fell into the land of Avon the first week I started this blog, nearly two years ago. So many things have happened since, so many crazy adventures, so many great friends made.

Please enjoy reading my adventures!

The Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothin' But the Truth...

I'm at a crossroads in my life. My youngest child started first grade this year, and I found myself with time on my hands and no money in my pockets.

Do you have any idea what it's like to read the classified ads, hoping for the perfect job? One that has the same hours at the elementary school, that allows liberal sick days and time off for school plays and parent-teacher conferences? One that pays enough to make your house payment, buy groceries, plan for a week of camping in the summer?

Well, that sort of job doesn't exist. Even if it did, I can guarantee you I wouldn't have the skill set. I've been out of the work force for ten years, and my many hours of knee-bandaging and casserole baking and papier-mache projects doesn't give me an "in" with the high tech companies around these parts.

It took me six months to figure out that I had to work for myself, but I don't have any inventions or a kick ass cookie recipe or even the ability to make saleable arts and crafts. I'm a garden variety mom, more a lone daisy in a field of millions, not a showy iris or tiger lily. So Avon made sense. Heck, I love lipstick and own more beauty supplies than one body could possibly use in an entire lifetime. Why not sell something I already appreciate and know how to use?

I signed on to be a representative two weeks ago and my first order just arrived at my door yesterday. After two weeks of strange encounters and perplexing (almost mind-altering) experiences in the World Of Beauty, I decided I had to document this pink- coated trip.

I'm staying anonymous at the moment, unsure of whether what I tell you will inflame my district manager or embarrass my children. Probably both. But I do promise to tell you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Avon is an American Institution. Everyone's heard of it and has some vague idea of prissy painted ladies teetering on high heels, walking door to door, handing out beauty in a bottle. Subtract the prissiness and in my case the high heels, and the picture isn't half wrong.

I didn't know what to expect when I called the 800 Avon number. A customer service agent answered my call and quickly took my name, number, and address. Her voice was crisp but edged in boredom, as if I was the thousandth Avon Lady wannabee she'd handled that morning. She wouldn't answer my questions. She told me a District Manager would call me within five days and would explain the full program.

Exactly five days later, when I'd forgotten about Avon, I picked up the phone to the most energetic blast of oral energy I'd ever experienced.

"Helllllloooooooooooooooo!" She shouted into the phone, like a Texas ranger howling at his doggies.

"Uh, hi?" I asked.

"This is Sherry MacDonald from Avon, honey, is this Birdie Jones?!!" *

I was sure the folks three streets over could hear her from my phone, and I quickly considered denying my existence.

"Uh, yes?" I answered.

"Good!" Sherry spoke soley in exclamation points, each thought more vibrant than the next. I pictured her in a power suit with a black leather business portfolio at her side, towering over me in Mahlano's, maybe 40 years old, and bright red shoulder length hair. Someone you'd expect to see Julia Roberts play on the screen, all mouth and hair and bounce and swagger.

She made an appointment with me for the next day, at my house, to sign me up and to show me how it all works.

Sherry was punctual. She drove a sparkling champagne-colored SUV and I watched out my front window as she stepped out, carrying a black tote bag and an armful of materials. She was no Julia Roberts' rendition of Career Woman. She was big curves and poufy hair and a soft cotton jacket with an Asian print.

I invited her to the kitchen and she spread open a binder filled with colorful images. She told me how Avon works, and since I'm still a greenhorn and ignorant as can be, I'll do my best to explain it to you:

There are three ways that you can run your own Avon business. The first is to be a regular Avon Representative. This costs ten bucks, and you get a bag full of brochures and some samples to give to potential customers. You show your customer the brochure and answer questions. If they want to order something, you write it down and send the order in to Avon, who in turn sends you the product. You deliver the goods, collect the money, and send Avon what belongs to Avon. You keep the rest. The amount of money you make depends on how much you sell. The higher your sales level, the bigger the percentage of money you get to keep. The profits range between 20 percent and 50 percent.

If you want to run your business by throwing beauty parties, you can become a Beauty Advisor. There is an additional fee for this, and it covers the cost of a training book and videos and more samples and brochures. You gather folks together in a festive atmosphere and have fun showing them how to use and enjoy the products. There is a special line of premium products, called BeComing, for those who are Beauty Advisors.

The third and most lucrative option is to become a Leadership Representative. These people recruit others to Avon and make a percentage of their "downline's" sales in addition to the regular ways to make money with Avon. It's sort of a multi-level marketing approach, but it only goes three layers deep. Some reps make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year doing the Leadership option.

Sherry's energy never faltered as she described the various means and methods. She laughed and hooted and I found her to have an infectious sense of optimism and a charming personality. I liked her.

I signed up to be a basic plain Jane rep. I can't imagine myself recruiting other people or having enough personal authority or presence to hold beauty parties. Sherry left the brochures and samples and guide book with me and told me about the next sales meeting, a few days later, where I could meet some of the other women reps and learn more about the products.

Once she left, I tore open a Goddess fragrance sample and rubbed the swatch on my arm and behind my ears. It smelled heavenly, soft and romantic.

* name changed to protect the innocent.... ME!